On December 2017, my life has changed. From being sick of an illness (depression) that I used to discount, to fearing loud sounds or noises, and being uncomfortable in the crowd—I’m just not the same anymore. And as I stumble and keep losing opportunities while my dreams are slipping away, in many instances, I don’t even know where I am heading. Often, I feel being robbed of my happiness and hope. Worse, I lost track of my guiding principles. So here I am, trying to “find my way back into life.”

On life
(In general):

I believe, life is a battle in which we, the soldiers ought to carry and gear ourselves with deep “patriotism,” unabated courage, strong ideals, sound attitude and behavior, by being wise, and maximizing our knowledge and skills.

On relationships:

It’s always a two-way traffic. Mishaps happen in one-way “roads—” as it is detrimental to any relationship to be blinded of anything incoming and outgoing from both sides of the “roads.”

Also, like a boat, if the relationship is a one-man sail—–when in reality, there are two people aboard——then from gravity, to forces of wave and wind—which can relentlessly put relationships in jeopardy, there’d guaranteed falterings along the way.

Most importantly, love is more than a virtue. It’s an act and an undertaking that thrives through trust and respect.

On dreams:

To dream is to hope;
To hope is to aspire;
To aspire is to pursue.

To aspire for oneself is a responsibility; But to dream for larger whole is a calling that requires faith, devotion, and righteousness.

Lastly, passion is a winning action.

Finally, these are just few of my principles and convictions. But going through the traumas of bullying and depression, I am struggling to stand for my dreams and to get my strength back and continue my crusade for a better world.

Nonetheless, It’s tough and hurting to be in a very challenging situation—and the odds are not in my favor. However, I pray for strength and humility—as I humble to things greater than me and/or what my heart can hold.

Below are some of my aspirations, I still keep my fingers crossed:

1. To finish my undergraduate. And right after graduation, I wish to come home in Philippines, to teach single mothers (young and old) of basic computer and typing skills. Speaking of experience, in a third-world country, women out of our wills to survive, we exposed ourselves to vulnerabilities such as illicit affairs.

For when our stomachs are in anguished, our sense of morality is less prioritized. I wish to correct that. And so I will strive harder than hardest to get better and be fully self-supporting. I wish to encourage others the same; and to strive in improving their personal economic conditions.

2. To get to law school and be a tax attorney. Being a VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance) volunteer since 2009, I saw the need in that area of law. For example, elders get taxed for required contributions, when most of them roll over the funds to their retirement accounts. Therefore, those contributions shouldn’t be taxed.

Bottom line, I wish to prepare taxes for the elderly and the needy in 50 states using RV as office on mobile.

3. To travel to climate change-stricken countries for outreach such as Vanuatu.

4. To bring Spam Musubi (spam sushi, an all time Hawaiian locals favorite) to children of Africa.

Above all, I want to be with my children. I couldn’t come home yet due to lack of logistics. And although, I am constrained of very limited resources, I remain hopeful to see them before June. I need to be with them and my mom; and I badly miss my sisters too.

To end, this blog is created not to flaunt any talent (I have none to be proud of). I never see myself greater than anyone. It’s just that I have kept this for years, for this help me cherish my passion (to scribble) likewise to continue learning from my blogger friends the virtue of goodwill; and how to vest our time and energies in healthy ventures (such as blogging).

As always, thank you! Namaste to y’all.

Featured Song:

Way Back Into Love
By Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant






Disclaimer: The copyright of media below does not belong to the owner of this blog. It is subject to fair use. Usage is non commercial, not for profit-mere personal. (Courtesy of YouTube)

A sanctuary for this weary mind

No love affair is greater than that of Sky and Sun. Enjoined during the day being consumed by Earth and mankind; Indulging in intimacy from a distance at night. The Stars are witnesses; while the Moon’s anaphoric, “We’re platonic, simply platonic. They’re romantic, so romantic! Damn romantic!”

Often uncertainties best belong to the winds.

A morning sip of freshly brewed Kona coffee

When I was in a hurry

Has burned my tongue.

Though it sore and feeling dumb,

I did not spit nor dump.

Coz in a minute or two,

Presto!

A day full of energy and gusto

Await. . . oh wait–no need for muchacho.

Lamentar? No!

No me arrepiento!

My tongue still a tongue.

No me arrepiento!

Going through a horrible chapter in my life, I’m apparently depressed according to my doctors. Isn’t that ironic? Because it seems like yesterday when almost everyday I “whistle and sing” joy, hope, love and faith. But here I am, totally lost and broken, and barely breathing.

On a positive note, this blog, and you my friends, are the only ones keeping me holding on. Because through your kindness and generosity, I still believe there’s goodness in this world.

Truth: Ever since, all I wanted was to write positive thoughts, as I opted to be an inspiration, thinking that I survived hell and high waters as a mother, I can be a tiny voice of my humble advocacy. For my utmost purposes in blogging: 1. Truth (creative or raw, but true). 2. Healing (Not first aid, but long and guaranteed recovery from the ruins I endured from a shady past). But to win friends among you finest people of this Cyber world, is “cream of the pie.” I am very thankful!

And because I am grateful and humbled of you gracing my blog, out of your unwavering support, I won’t talk of the messy details of how I get ill. But instead, let me assure you that I will strive and get through this. I will work harder through exercise, meditation and reading to be in my norm.

Nonetheless, I apologize for my being turtle in returning your favors. Just keep in mind, I am also grateful and proud of you all, who keep your blog and continue to share your passion. I am a fan of yours forever.

Again, thank you, WordPress! Namaste. . .

Aina

P.S. Good news: After a year of “marriage” with my Apple Watch, and six-months in 24-Hour Fitness, I lost 38 lbs. I now weigh 124 lbs. From size 10, I’m now down at 4. To reach 110 lbs. is my ultimate goal. Along with daily cardio and Pilates, lots of water, very limited sugar and salt, I think I can achieve that goal.

Ditto

Disclaimer: The copyright of media below does not belong to the owner of this blog. It is subject to fair use. Usage is non commercial, not for profit-mere personal.

For Arnel

LOVE
may sound ordinary
and elementary
to others maybe;
but not for me.
Although the word
seems so common,
but when we seek
in our hearts,
we have to delve deeper,
to know both the virtue
and undertaking truly mean.






A very powerful word
we share in common,
in its name we are born;
in its sake we are raised;
and only in its glory,
we are remembered best. 






I cry and anguish,
when lovers fall weak;
when they let fear,
anger,
envy,
jealousy,
prejudice,
ambitions,
differences,
doubts,
insecurities,
tragedies,
catastrophes,
tribulations,
calamities,
downfalls
and defeats–
kill love
and tear them apart.
Coz no matter,
how hard our relationships fall apart;
no matter,
how bitter the ending can be,
it remains
in our hearts–
as it exist
even long before
we are brought
to earth.
That just
as the Holy Book says,
“LOVE NEVER FAILS?”
Why can’t we take
His words?






Truth is,
even the meanest felons,
and ruthless criminals–
they too fall in love.
Unfortunately,
fate is often unfair.
It treats us unevenly,
maybe just as how
we treat love
so differently.






Weakened by evils
in all faces of adversities;
we often surrender to fate
and retreat to destiny.
Inflicted by evils of fear,
we mercy kill
our loves within.
So we leave love unattended,
deserted,
doubted,
mocked
and taken for granted–
when it’s the very essence
of life.






But even if
fate is so cruel,
I tell you,
love never goes away.
Once it touches our hearts,
it is there to stay!






Amidst the absence of recourse;
notwithstanding the distance,
and against all odds,
love remains.
It may move a little,
or might not be
in our very core
as it is challenged
or threatened
at some point–
but it is there–
always there.






More powerful
than the blood
flowing in our veins,
Love–
in defiance of fate–
remains!







Hence,
it has the power
to make us whole,
or bury us alive
in the deepest hole.
But if we hang on to it,
no matter, how rough
the challenges can be;
regardless, how tough
its ironies may seem,
faith will walk us through
the glorious bridge of happiness.
And all we have to do,
is just to hang on.






Because
it is never about falling.
Love survives
and thrives
only by holding on.
How I know?
Please.
Please,
please, please believe me,
I am going through it all.

Happy Valentines WordPress!
Thanks for bearing with me–
I love you all!

PS
He’s not the enemy. God bless the enemy.






Featured song:
Bridges
by Travessia