Writing True

Depression versus Hope in Me

AinaBalagtas

If you have been blogging with me since mid 2000, probably you’d wonder, how on earth did I get this condition? Being verbally tortured at work by ruthless skeptics, while being challenged domestically, battered financially (as I opted to be in American school)–there are countless of factors, which have brought me into this mental state. But, the fault isn’t with the factors–as I take full responsibility for who I am; no matter how flawed or ruined I am.

Because, folks, I denied that I was going through depression perhaps for long. I could have gotten help and establish a support system to beat it. But because, I was in denial–it worsened.

Regardless of all the mess, my only regret, is my failure to inspire you, my amazing readers, who have been so generous lending me your ears. Forgive me.

The good news is, I am a new person. I accepted my flaws and is determined to overcome all the adversaries in front of me. I am even willing to participate to clinical studies to achieve something good out of this. Because, I am never after any crown nor victory neither applause. Just to stand and to live meaningfully; to courageously live with hope and faith–this is more than enough for me. Arnel and my kids are my glories.

I still thank God for this wonderful life He has given me.

May the Almighty bless all of you and your families!

11 thoughts on “Depression versus Hope in Me”

    1. Indeed! For months, I lived in fear. And for years, I discounted and belittle the sickness. Because at some point in my life, all I’ve been thinking was to complete my schooling. It took months of reflection and relentless physical efforts being in the gym almost daily to have this courage; likewise, I am blessed of the unwavering support of my inner circle. I still pray for continuous healing.

      Thank you for dropping by and for your generous comment as well. I am encouraged. God bless you always!

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        1. There’s no cure to this my friend. 😔 I’m just hoping and praying to minimize the symptoms. But I pray more for spiritual healing too. Thanks again, Brad; and thanks to our community too!

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  3. Personal experience has proven to me that if you are on a spiritual path Aina, at some point, you will surely experience a complete turnaround in the deepest seat of your soul. Then you will know how to stay happy. It’s the reason I became a counsellor. But it took me years to get there, I feel certain I could have done it sooner if I’d known it was possible. I hope you don’t mind me disclosing so much personal history Aina, but I feel certain that you are on a spiritual path of service, and so you deserve to see the light again.

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    1. I wandered for a while, Francis. I was looking for meaning in my very empty existence. It took me this sickness to realized, we create the meaning.

      Re sharing a personal experience, of course not—no, I don’t mind! In fact, I appreciate it. Thank you!

      Thus, I am in the process of detaching myself to any worldly pursuits. And it’s not because, I dream or assume halo. But it’s a shame that I have given them so much power over me. So now I wish to heal. That any words of enlightenment like yours, is very much appreciated.

      Thank you, Francis!

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