Of woven imperfections . . .
Of scattered pictures
Bring dull diamonds
In the corners
Of woven imperfections . . .
Of scattered pictures
Bring dull diamonds
In the corners
Whilst the weak heart yearns,
the brave soul dares.
And hope beams,
as whirlwind magic begins.
Whilst surprises of a brand new day are awaiting,
aurora is peeping.
And fragments of stormy nights rush to fade,
as the sun gracefully appears humbling itself to faith.
Whilst gray clouds move,
the blue firmament alights;
Paving way for the mightiest eagle to fly
high above the pinky sky.
Hope is love in disguised.
Got To Believe in Magic
by David Pomeranz
. . . is getting up in the morning
from a dreaded night so tiring
approaching the fridge while yawning
picking three strips of bacon instead of four you’re thinking
Benedict is your new thing.
is ending a same ol’, same ol’ day,
shrugging a body so worn by work
“I’m a day richer tomorrow.”
As our nation grieves for the beautiful lives we lost in Las Vegas . . .
We mourn and pay silence.
And in silence,
We pray their families may find solace in loving memories.
We light candles for their questions that can never be answered;
We offer flowers for the justice yet to serve.
We keep our heads vowed and hands clasped in the middle
For our most solemn plea to heal our hearts and find peace in forgiveness.
We surrender to tears; but we combat our fears
Embracing ourselves tight–
Reaffirming life is good even in our darkest moments;
For this, brings us together.
We let the currents of our sacred tears
Bring us to the doors of heaven
Where confetti, symphony, pretty familiar faces, smiles we missed, and good cheers are present
For more good lives, which made it to heaven,
now eternally in heaven.
If I see Mr. Donald Trump with uncombed hair, and cucumbers on his eyes–I’d go nuts. If I watch a movie of Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, especially the 50 First Dates and those that co-stars Rob Schneider (a Filipino-American)--I’d go bananas. If I hear Mama “butcher” a Hawaiian word with her Filipino accent–I’d pause and laugh, then slap and slap my forehead in teary eyes. Because she’s here, in Hawaii more than half of her life (she’s 69); and still, Ma can’t get her Hawaiian skills right or conversational at least. For example, our royal Highness’ name, our King Kamehameha’s (a.k.a. King Kamehameha the Great, 1782-1819), which is pronounced Kame-ha-meha, to her it’s Ka-meme-ha. Also, for Princess Victoria Kaiulani (the last heir, which is pronounced as Kai-la-ni); to her it’s Ka-i-ulani. And with Kaneohe (a district here in Oahu), which is pronounced Ka-ne-o-he; to her, it’s Kanyeo-he. She drives me nuts. Because, if it’s a crime or tort in our state to mispronounce and disrespect (intentional or not) Hawaiian words and or names of the royal family perhaps Mama could have spent that half of her life in jail. She could have been deprived of aloha and sentenced to life imprisonment (no death penalty in Hawaii). Maybe there’d be possibility of parole, only if Ma’s Hawaiian gets decent, or she straightens her pronunciation of King Kamehameha’s name at least. Thus, with these tickles, I’ll laugh without a doubt. But is it happiness? Am I happy? Let’s see.
Smiles and laughters are not bond certificates of happiness. Reality is; There are Tupperware smiles and Ziplock laughters concealing sadness and emptiness–for “life ain’t easy.” And to carry on is always a challenge.
So, am I happy?
At one point, I think it’s a myth that it’s easier to tackle loneliness than consume myself pathetically in finding it. Perhaps I struggle to achieve it that I confront this “woman in the mirror” accused of being unhappy.
The “bare minimum” for me: One, the courage to be happy; Two, the audacity to be at peace. But if we are to humanize this two: Truth is, they don’t get along with each other. They’re like oil and water. Eternally in mean rivalry, their defining question is not “Who let the dogs out.” Rather, who is the greatest? But if Ali is alive, they’d be in the ring with him for the title. Truer than truth though, they are equally important. Missing one of them could be detrimental to our health and wellbeing. Also, there is no such a thing as greatest except the Almighty One. Moreover, isn’t it, when happy, most likely, we’re at peace? And when we’re at peace, chances are, we’re happy? Then again, am I unhappy?
In the gym, where I go late nights: I walk one hour in treadmill, another hour in open strides, ten minutes in stair stepper, I carry weights, stretch and crunch every ten minutes. I try to end the night in the pool tackling 8 to 6 lapses at least. I love swimming. And I can last and finish my goals by merely listening to my playlists or audiobooks in my iPhone (and no caffeine needed). Although I seemed loitering the place, I’m a good customer of 24-Hour Fitness since June of this year (according to my Statement of Account). Prior, and beginning February (when I got my rose gold Apple Watch Series 1 as a gift) to June, I tan and walked along the beaches of Ala Moana and Waikiki. I work harder when I feel low (sadness, despair, pessimism–I don’t underestimate the evils of fatigue). And so I meditate. I breathe deep. But most of the time, I push myself to exceed my goals, so at home I can enjoy my bed with no remorse. Then I listen to Tomorrow in its most mellow tone.
In my professional career as an accounting and legal professional, I am hoping to get my CPA by May of 2018. I also hope to finish law school when I reach 50 (same age that my late father earned his Master in Law). I don’t want Harvard. I dream of Yale; but I wouldn’t mind to spend three or four more years of my life at Richardson’s School of Law (because my wallet told me so). But with all humility, and in my most fervent hope, I want my Juris Doctor more than anything in this world. I will not die without it. That if I have to crawl to school, I will. That in hell or high waters, I’ll be a lawyer even if takes McPick 2 for the rest of my life. I want JD so badly, because it’s a family thing. Also, as a volunteer at Legal Aid Society of Hawaii (since 2008), I’ve been stuck in helping clients in their tax or legal distresses, because my paralegal certificate (issued by the Hawaii State Bar Association) only allows me to work with attorneys. Sadly, most of the time, they refuse to work for free (pro bono) as it really cost a fortune to pursue degrees in United States. However, I am a strong believer of equal access to justice. That I pity my clients (mostly elders, people with disabilities, single parents, homeless, immigrants, and temporary workers from different countries, or the needies) who suffered injustice, because they were deprived by poor representations. I’m not at peace with that thought: That because they’re poor, so they deserve poor. Oh, poor!
This is why, in school, I labored for good grades (like a slave in Renaissance age). I’m not a genius; and being in my forties, I have physical challenges too. Also, to do well in school these days, it meant money. For a business degree, especially mines, accounting, from computer hardwares to softwares, to subscriptions and journals, I was just fortunate to afford McDonalds. I endured “hells” for the “heavens” of A. I worked so hard on all of my subjects (there was no easy one), ever forcing me to turn nights into days, leaving me only dawn for at least a yawn in pursuit of my undergraduate degrees of two associate, and a BA (Bachelor of Arts). It led to a scholarship from the American Businesswomen Association (Hawaii chapter). It gave me the privilege to sit with the Board of Directors in Fellowship Nights sponsored by University of Hawaii (UH). We discussed and agreed that we need the Honolulu Rail Transit. I used this topic in all of my semester concluding essays for my English courses. I was able to discuss it passionately knowing my fellow Filipinos lived in the west side of Oahu, where the rail would run. It made me happy to argue for them.
At home, I barely stay because my kids are on their own. Most of the time, I’m either in school or at work; but definitely, I’m in the gym everyday.
Hence, the paradox of happiness is every time we think of it, we question and falsely convict ourselves. But if we just look back on how far we come through in life, a sense of self, and peace are always within reach. For happiness is not a question, nor a pursuit, neither a tease–it’s an affirmation to keep. I am happy.
Finally, it’s very disappointing to be hurt by someone you wish who’d love you unconditionally. It could be debilitating; if we endure it as is. But we are blessed with beautiful minds and resilient spirits, that with our hands and feet, knowledge and skills: we can be at peace. Therefore, my challenges do not make me unhappy nor sick. They can’t be stronger than the faith and hope I have within. Besides, I know how to walk away and accept fate, if things are not meant for me. I am brave.
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